I WANT TO BE AMANDA!

I've figured it all out. I want to be Amanda, the latest co-protagonist in the third novel of my "Midnight" series - Midnight in Brussels. I really do like Amanda. She has such determination and goes all out without ever looking back! She knows what she wants. I've been living in her head now for several months, and now she's in mine. I want to be her. I like her better than me.

This realization hit me last night as I was lying in bed dropping off to sleep. If ever there was a case of immersing one's self into a character, this is it. I don't mean she's all about me, it's just the opposite. Maybe that's the cause of my mood lately. I would rather be her. She's young, she's slim and tall with long blond hair, she's motivated and industrious, she's wise enough to know she must make herself happy before anybody else enters the equasion, and so on ....    She comes from a meager existence and downtrodden personna and becomes a blossoming young lady with enough drive to capture the world.  (Oh to be young again!) 

One of the stories in the newly released 2009 WOW Anthology - one written by Mike Dennis called Block - is of a writer's (the writer is one of the characters) fictional character becoming real and becoming a dangerous threat to the writer in the story. Very tantalizing writing and imagination on Mike's part.

But this feeling I'm having is that I'm morphing into the Amanda character myself. I want to go off to Belgium and live her life, not mine. How she pulled herself up by the bootstraps and created a world that most would die for is amazing. I know, her life is non-existent, is fictional. But darn it all, I'm finding myself living in her skin, having her feelings, visualizing the quaint shops and cafes, jumping over the hurdles, falling in love, etc.

Oh well!

I guess I'll just have to live it in my novels, so why not come join me?  Start with Midnight at Trafalgar Square, then on to Midnight at the Eiffel and very soon you'll be able to read Midnight in Brussels.

You know, I have to admit, my characters do steal from me. They use my thoughts and experiences and imagination, so there, Amanda! We're even-steven!

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I'M IN A PIT!

Yep, I'm in a pit. A deep dark pit! Well, maybe not so dark, maybe just slightly dark. But nevertheless, I'm in one and can't seem to get out. Today was the worst. Slept most of the day. Actually couldn't keep my eyes open. Honestly. And when I was awake, I was lethargic.

So what is wrong with me? Am I just tired and sleepy? I don't think so, although I didn't get to bed till around 3 a.m. last night, and then got up at 8 a.m. Probably needed a couple more nods.

Am I sick? Nah ... no more than usual, that is. lol lol You know, the overweightness and high blood pressure issues are forever constant. Although, I've some wrong-eating issues these days. Yes, that could be a culprit. Have been gorging on sweets and starch. Those can put one to sleep, for sure, if consumed at great length. Okay, so it's time to shift that gear. Out go the sweets and starch (bread). Need more veggies and greens. More water.

But lately I'm just not interested in greens and veggies. And I don't know why that is. I've always been a salad and veggie person. My whole life. But right now they gag me to look at them, so I steer away from them. Chicken is gagging me, too. Can't bear to put a bite of chicken in my mouth, can't even stand the smell of it.

Fruit and juice is still appealing, thank god! So I had apples and OJ today. In fact orange juice sounds good right now. I'm going to pour myself a big glass right this minute ...

Yum yum, tastes good.

So. I need to hide the halloween candy from me. Need to put it somewhere so that I'll forget about it. Right now it's in the candy dish. I keep a candy dish filled on my dining room table for when my son comes over. He likes that. And it reminds me of when I was a young girl ... family would have those crystal candy dishes with lids sitting on their dining room tables. I loved that. Well, I'm doing it now. But lately I'm the one dipping into the candy dish more than anyone else.

Tomorrow I'm going to get back out into the garden and maybe that'll give me some energy. All this editing and writing and publishing and attempting to do Internet marketing is wearing me out. Maybe I'm on burn-out. Brain burn-out. Could be.

I was thinking today how it was when I first dropped out of corporate America several years ago. How I was so happy to have escaped projects and deadlines, and how I was looking forward to just writing and traveling and enjoying life, just being creative. Well! That was great for awhile until I jumped right back into the mix again. Only this time a mix I created. Now I'm wondering what the hell I've done to myself! lol lol

I need help! Help in the office, I mean.


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IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY!

Am going out into my back garden to have my cup of ginger tea when I finish this post. I love this time of year in Arizona. The sun is shining, flowers are in bloom, the plants are flourishing, trees are full, lawn is green ... can't beat that, can you? Those things make me feel good. Doesn't take much, you see. I love my home environment and my flower gardens ... and my babies: Princie, Oreo, and Albee.

Speaking of flowers, I've been taking photographs of them and putting them up on my website. Have you seen the first ones? I've more to put up, will do that shortly. When you click on them and then click on them again, you can get the detail of the main flower, the one I focused on. They look like Georgia O'Keefe paintings when they're enlarged. Makes me want to pull out the canvas and paint. Sure, like I have time to do that, too. lol lol

My time these days is taken up with creating the galleys for the three books RJBP is releasing in December. Had hoped to have at least two of them done this week, but am behind schedule. One will be completed today.

So that's what's happening in my world. Ohhhhhh, one new thing to announce ... I'm launching a literary magazine June 2010 called LITERATI. More information at the R. J. Buckley Publishing site - rjbuckleypublishing.com . Excited about the mag, for sure. I suscribe to GRANTA, THE PARIS REVIEW, PRAIRIE SCHOONER, and AMERICAN SHORT FICTION which are four of the top literary mags of our time. They've been inspiring to me and I figured instead of publishing an annual anthology of other writers' work, why not launch a mag. So there we are.

Have a happy day!

BOOKS ON THE WAY!

Am waiting for the first shipment of the newly released "2009 WOW Anthology" - 21 short stories by 21 authors. Exciting! Then the complimentary copies will be sent out to the contributing authors. Also the prepublication-orders that were received will be filled. So, guys, watch for your copy.

At the moment am working on three other books by other authors ... doing final edits and designing bookcovers for RJBP. So ... I am busy busy busy! these days. Also putting the final touches on my own latest novel "Midnight in Brussels" - to be released in a week or so ... that will be my focus over the next couple of days. Need to get that one out so I can clear my head and concentrate on the other three.

Other than that, I'll attend two writers meetings coming up this month in Phoenix ... one this Wednesday (East Valley Writers Group) in Tempe and one on the 30th (Scottsdale Society of Women Writers) in Scottsdale.

Since the WOW organization dissolved, my stress level has decreased somewhat. I hadn't realized what a burden that was on me. Five years of it was enough, five years of being the glue that held it together. But we did do some good, encouraged and supported many fledgling writers and I'm proud of that. My gratitude goes out to those who were always there for me. I hope to see you all at other conferences and events in the near future.

Okay ... back to work!

Happy Monday!

REVAMPING FINANCES - OCTOBER 2009

October is a month of revamping finances. For the past few days I've been taking a good look at my income and expenses, debts, etc. A long-awaited revamping will be taking place over the next few days.

First of all, I'm eliminating ALL credit cards. Those that have balances are being cut up as we speak, and I will continue to pay on them till balances are zero. Cutting them up prevents me from using them in the meantime. Can you imagine how hard that is for me? LOL But it's sooooooo necessary. My bank cards can serve as Visas for booking and travel. I'll live on a cash basis.

My spending has got to be cut back to zilch. I am not buying any more home decor, furnishings, etc. No more collectibles. While accounting for my purchases over the past few months to get an idea of where my money has been going ... I was surprised at the amount I spent on "stuff and collectibles" for my house. That ain't gonna happen any more. I have more than I need as it is. In fact, I could open a shop with all my "stuff." (not a bad idea) So, no more "treasure hunting" sprees. No more reckless spending.

I've already cut back entertainment and dining out. It's next to nothing as it is. So no problem there. The two majors have been credit card spending and buying "stuff."

AND buying electronics ... my downfall. Electronics and online purchases - websites, website related services, books, etc. All that is stopping. It has stopped!

I'm going to live within my fixed income ... that's income I receive not counting royalties and revenue generated through my publishing companies or freelance writing. I want to be able to live on the basic income, the rest that comes in goes into savings.

So are you aware of where your money goes? It's mind-awakening, believe me, once you start checking it out. I was shocked when I began studying my finances. WOW! No more shocks for me.