Author photos taken by Robert Abrams in Paris, France.

THE STORY BEHIND THE STORY - Rebecca Buckley's Blog
Hello, I'm Rebecca Buckley, and I write books! Welcome to my blog. Here I'll talk about almost anything. Depends on the mood of the day. I'll also talk about publishing, writing techniques, and editing ... subjects close to my heart. And I invite you writers to include my blog on your book blog tours, it's my pleasure. So today, anytime you feel like it, feel free to jump in ... click on the COMMENTS link at the end of a post and give your opinion. If you sign in "anonymous" to comment, it's easier, just be sure you say who you are in the content of your comment.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

HOW TO KEEP YOUR SANITY - Dealing with People who are Delusional

Having met many people in my lifetime and having dealt with a good percentage of them, as well as having had personal relationships with some ... on occasion a delusional person crosses my path.  I think the most frustrating element of this type of person is it is impossible to have an amenable discussion or a meeting of the minds with him/her. Impossible. Below are some descriptions of delusional disorder taken from WebMD.com.  
"Delusional disorder, previously called paranoid disorder, is a type of serious mental illness involving a specific kind of psychosis. Psychosis is the inability to tell what is real from what is imagined. The main feature of delusional disorder is the presence of delusions -- unshakable beliefs in something untrue. People with delusional disorder experience non-bizarre delusions, which involve situations that could occur in real life, such as being followed, poisoned, deceived, conspired against, or loved from a distance. These delusions usually involve the misinterpretation of perceptions or experiences. In reality, however, the situations are either not true at all or highly exaggerated."
One of my previous neighbors, in her late forties and living with her mother, was delusional in the sense that she believed a film star was going to marry her, she was actually planning on it, said they were engaged. (I've had two friends like this.) When I asked her if she'd heard that the actor had just married someone else, she said he did it for publicity and it was a front. Now, I knew there was no way that hunk would have had any interest in my neighbor, just not possible, and I won't go into the reasons here. Just believe me, it was not possible. She was delusional, big time.  This is called:

Erotomanic Type:  delusions that another person, usually of higher status, is in love with the individual

Another quote from WebMD ...
"People with delusional disorder often can continue to socialize and function normally, apart from the subject of their delusion, and generally do not behave in an obviously odd or bizarre manner. This is unlike people with other psychotic disorders, who also might have delusions as a symptom of their disorder. In some cases, however, people with delusional disorder might become so preoccupied with their delusions that their lives are disrupted."
One other type of delusional persons I've known are those that don't see things as they really are, feel they are being mistreated, creating their own reality and nothing can dissuade them. Exaggeration is a huge part of their dialog.  They'll even take what is said or done and twist it, putting their own slant on it, and then pass that on to others.  Very perplexing to say the least, but nothing you can change or address.  They also pick and choose what to remember. They can't tell what is real or imagined.  This is called: 

Persecutory Type:  delusions that the person is being malevolently treated in some way

One person I knew would make a statement about something that you wouldn't necessarily agree with and didn't care to comment on, and if you didn't say anything she would keep talking and would interpret your silence as if you were in agreement.  My friends and I knew the person did this to everybody, we all knew it. So if she said so and so told her this or that, which was her habit, we knew better.  She was delusional. 
I also knew a gal who believed evil witches were after her. Black crows signified their presence, even black SUVs passing by the house carried witches.  Oh boy!  That was quite an experience ... she was a roommate, and very paranoid and delusional in several ways. 
Then there are those who believe they have serious medical problems and exaggerate every time a minor illness strikes.  We've all known this type of delusional disorder existing in at least one of our friends or family members. I've known quite a few.  This is called: 

Somatic Type: delusions that the person has some physical defect or general medical condition

Sad to say . . .  a delusional disorder is harmful to the one owning it AND to those who are on the other side of it. No one wins. As an onlooker or recipient, you have no defense from a delusional person's attack, especially if he/she isn't being treated. But realizing that the person has this disorder and separating yourself from it's effects, if you can, is the best recourse for you.   Not easy sometimes, and not very pleasant to end contact, but in most cases, necessary in my book. 

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

HOW TO KEEP YOUR SANITY - Reaction to Cruelty - Part One

How many times do you work yourself into a tizzy because of what you consider cruel, thoughtless treatment to you by others? I'm not talking about physical or sexual abuse here. I'm talking about unkind, deliberate words or actions to demean and hurt your senses. Well, do you know that you can diminish and eliminate the hurt you feel and your reaction to it?

First of all, sit back (or stand back if that's what you're doing at the time) and just observe your reaction. The proverbial slap in the face, the breath taken away, the quickened heartbeat, nausea, the impulse to strike back ... and so on.  Don't resist or attempt to change that reaction. No physical action necessary, however. Calmly and quietly watch the reaction come and go.

I am doing that right this moment as we speak because of discovering a hurtful situation a few moments ago. Okay, I'm observing my reaction.

We are not to call the perpetrating thoughts our own thoughts, because they aren't. They belong to the one or ones who generated the injury to your feelings.  Those original words, deeds, or thoughts don't have any power whatsoever, they are just trying to enforce power over you.

So, number one, be aware of your reaction and then watch it come and go, for it will go, it will.  Takes practice.

This had been very useful to me and most certainly builds inner strength. It gives you the ability to take command and full responsibility for your reactions to whatever is said to, against, or happens to you.   Whatever slight and hurt you feel, whether it comes from family or friends or coworkers or strangers ... you are in control of what you do with your reaction. So, be calm, let it dissipate, whatever it is. Realize that it isn't part of you. Your reaction and action is you, yes, but that you can control ... you can watch it come in one window and go out the other.  And if it revisits, watch it again ... in one window out the other.

I'm working on it right now.  lol lol  It's doing its job ... I'm smiling.

I have a wonderful book that I refer to for help with many life situations and spiritual thinking ... THE POWER OF YOUR SUPERMIND.  I've given copies to many of my friends over the years. It really is my Bible.  And the above teaching is from that book.

We're asked, "What commands you?" And the book says "You are commanded by anything above your own psychic level."  That's why a person on a lower psychic level (look up psychic levels) has trouble and problems with both self and other people. Conflicts are above him, out of reach of handling ... he joins them, creates them, is in the throes of them, wreaking havoc in the lives around him.

We're also asked and are told, "What can you command? You are in command of everything that is below your own psychic level. If you are above cruelty in yourself, you cannot be commanded by the cruelty of others."

WOW!  Isn't that terrific?

"If your level is higher than hysteria, you are immune to the mass hysteria of mankind, expressing itself in fighting and deceit."

I mean to tell you, think about this.  Where do you see yourself?

AND if you practice the steps above ... sit back and watch it come and go ... "your mind can control everything in your life because of its supreme power to react correctly to everything."

Okay, I feel better already.  At least when it comes to my reaction.

 

Sunday, June 1, 2014

SUMMERTIME IN THE BOONDOCKS!

Yep, summertime is upon us in the 'sticks' of Arizona ... hey! I can call it that if I want for that's what it is to me.  Boondocks, sticks, desolate hell, the tules (a California term), the boonies ... and other such descriptions of places like San Tan Valley AZ.  Although boondocks also describes a mountainous area by the Filipino race, and I wish it were in my case, I love the mountains, forests, streams ... log cabins, yes!!!  Oh yes!!!

Then to add to the grief of being so isolated, the summers are unbearable here in AZ!  Up to 117 in July, sometimes higher.  It is not a place you want to be in the summer, especially if you're a cool weather person like me and would rather have daily rain than daily sun.

So why don't I move?

Well, first of all, I have created a beautiful cocoon for myself and my babies - Princie, Albee, and Oreo.  A lot of my time and $$$ have been expended.  My backyard is completely enveloped by trees that have been trimmed to form a canopy over the entire space, mostly shade back there now ... it's taken six years to do that. I've planted all kinds of flowers, roses, bougainvilleas, and many other flowering plants and shrubberies that surround a very small lawn area including a fire-pit (winter) and lawn chairs.  There are two iron bench niches under the trees, too, and an umbrella covered table with two stools out under the tallest tree, as well as other seating and table/chairs inside my covered patio. It all makes for an outdoor living space, an extended living room so to speak. You aren't going to believe this, but there is seating for 16 in my back garden without adding more chairs ... spread out under the foliage and in the covered patio.  I know, that's quite a bit for the small space it is, I know. But I don't care, I love creating my vignettes outside just like I do the ones inside.  (Per square footage, I probably have more seating area inside my home than most other people do in a house this size - approx 2200 sq ft.  I love that too.)

So I work in the garden, front and back, every morning.  The front garden is overgrown too - one tree covers it all giving it plenty of shade.

Indoors of course is my little palace holding my collections and eclectic furnishings - lace and satin, brocade and silk fabric.  A woman's house, not a man's house.  

The reason I don't move is because if I sold this house I would not realize enough profit to purchase another home that would equal this or go one better.  Just doesn't compute.

So, I'm stuck!  But you know, most of the time I don't look at it that way.  Like I said, I love my garden and I love my home.  It 's just the damn surrounding desert I don't care for ... and being way out here in the boonies, having to drive 40 minutes to an hour to a town -- a real town with shops, cafes, music, antique stores, etc.  

But on the flip-side, there is a plus of being isolated for it forces me to get things done that I need to do ... like writing, editing, publishing and doing the support work that makes it all pay ... rather than being out-and-about, playing.    

But it's so damn hot!!!!  It's summertime in the boondocks, guys!

Sunday, April 27, 2014

I HATE BEING FAT - Part 7

CHAPTER SEVEN
FAST FORWARD

One hundred sixty five pounds!!!!!!  Yes, I got down to 165 by eliminating all dairy (including cheese) and sugar, and no bread – decided against gluten-free, why have bread at all?
I had a Magic Bullet drink of three veggies and three fruits every morning, a salad with protein at noon, veggies with protein for dinner, occasional glass of red wine before bed. And I stuck with it and was doing fine, lost twelve more pounds!
Then my oldest son had a fatal heart attack, he was 52 years old. Of course my system went into a tail-spin, no rhyme or reason for what I ate or drank after that.  No thoughts at all on eating correctly or weight loss crossed my mind. It just didn’t matter, unimportant for weeks.  So I gained five pounds back of the fifteen I lost.  But I’m at 170 now, still better than I was at 180, so there is something to be grateful for, right?  You’re damn right there is. Life keeps rolling on, regardless.

So, I’ve had my Magic Bullet drink this morning, this makes two servings:

1 beet
1 banana
1 green apple
1 handful of kale
½ big carrot
1 handful frozen blueberries
Water

TODAY, three months after my son died, I vow to diligently begin the loss of the remaining 30 pounds I need to lose.

Last night I watched an HBO docu-series about obesity in America. There are four segments, I watched the first two and learned some startling facts, enough to get me thinking again.
And if for no other reason and a reminder, in memory of my son, it is up to me to make sure a heart attack doesn’t take me too, neither a stroke.  Especially if it can be avoided by what I eat and drink and by doing exercise.

Count me in, not out!  

Just a footnote:  In addition to the basic daily plan above, I might also have another portion of the drink later in the day, as long as it's on an empty stomach, not within 2 hours after a meal.   And I will drink teas as more antioxidants, coffee as stimulants (keeps my brain working) and I will eat all the veggies I want, par-cooked or raw.  It worked before, and I'll do it again this time. 

I see some good things on the horizon for me, I really do ... stay tuned!