Author photos taken by Robert Abrams in Paris, France.



THE STORY BEHIND THE STORY - Rebecca Buckley's Blog
Welcome to my blog. Here I'll talk about almost anything. Depends on the mood of the day. I'll also talk about publishing, writing techniques, and editing ... subjects close to my heart. So today, anytime you feel like it, feel free to jump in ... click on the COMMENTS link at the end of a post and give your opinion. If you sign in "anonymous" to comment, it's easier, just be sure you say who you are in the content of your comment.

Monday, December 29, 2014

DUKE'S IN CAMBRIA

Yep, it's Duke Ellington himself.  Have written 'Duke's Place' and am directing the play/musical revue of the man and his music till the show closes Jan 18.  The Pewter Plough Playhouse, guys ... in Cambria CA.  It's been quite an experience after all these years having been sort of out of the play directing business ... 10 years, I believe it has been.  Of course I've been writing plays all along, just not producing or directing them.  So I feel blessed to be able to do it once again.  Stirs old memories.

So ... I'm in Cambria CA ... have taken on the responsibility of overseeing the operations at the Pewter Plough Playhouse as co-landlord with hubby Jim Buckley.  Although he's 102 years old, you would never believe how energetic and aggressive he is.  He asked me to help, so here I am. Helping. And it came at a good time for me, really did.  We're getting ready to sign a lease with a new tenant in the cafe portion of the PPP ... Italian food ... can't wait to watch it materialize before our eyes.  Long in coming.

I do miss my home in Arizona though, just the house not the state, not an Arizona fan at all.  If  I could move the house and its contents here, I'd be perfectly happy.   As it is I'll be going after my 4 cats in January after the show closes, am missing my babies terribly.   The thing is ... this house in Cambria is also a fab place.  Very very nice.  Ocean view, set in the pines ... deer and other critters wandering around it, beautiful setting, and a beautiful home.  So, you might say I've got the best of both worlds.  How did this happen to me?

Today I'm working on the accounts, something I've taken over from the previous accountant. Mondays is set aside for that ... but right now, after putting JB down for a nap, I'm taking a little break to catch up on some Internet stuff.  I'm way behind on updating my web site as well as this blog.

So have a terrific New Year's Eve, and I hope your Christmas Holidays were joyous ... ours was.

Ciao ...


Thursday, August 7, 2014

HOW TO KEEP YOUR SANITY - Dealing with People who are Delusional

Having met many people in my lifetime and having dealt with a good percentage of them, as well as having had personal relationships with some ... on occasion a delusional person crosses my path.  I think the most frustrating element of this type of person is it is impossible to have an amenable discussion or a meeting of the minds with him/her. Impossible. Below are some descriptions of delusional disorder taken from WebMD.com.  
"Delusional disorder, previously called paranoid disorder, is a type of serious mental illness involving a specific kind of psychosis. Psychosis is the inability to tell what is real from what is imagined. The main feature of delusional disorder is the presence of delusions -- unshakable beliefs in something untrue. People with delusional disorder experience non-bizarre delusions, which involve situations that could occur in real life, such as being followed, poisoned, deceived, conspired against, or loved from a distance. These delusions usually involve the misinterpretation of perceptions or experiences. In reality, however, the situations are either not true at all or highly exaggerated."
One of my previous neighbors, in her late forties and living with her mother, was delusional in the sense that she believed a film star was going to marry her, she was actually planning on it, said they were engaged. (I've had two friends like this.) When I asked her if she'd heard that the actor had just married someone else, she said he did it for publicity and it was a front. Now, I knew there was no way that hunk would have had any interest in my neighbor, just not possible, and I won't go into the reasons here. Just believe me, it was not possible. She was delusional, big time.  This is called:

Erotomanic Type:  delusions that another person, usually of higher status, is in love with the individual

Another quote from WebMD ...
"People with delusional disorder often can continue to socialize and function normally, apart from the subject of their delusion, and generally do not behave in an obviously odd or bizarre manner. This is unlike people with other psychotic disorders, who also might have delusions as a symptom of their disorder. In some cases, however, people with delusional disorder might become so preoccupied with their delusions that their lives are disrupted."
One other type of delusional persons I've known are those that don't see things as they really are, feel they are being mistreated, creating their own reality and nothing can dissuade them. Exaggeration is a huge part of their dialog.  They'll even take what is said or done and twist it, putting their own slant on it, and then pass that on to others.  Very perplexing to say the least, but nothing you can change or address.  They also pick and choose what to remember. They can't tell what is real or imagined.  This is called: 

Persecutory Type:  delusions that the person is being malevolently treated in some way

One person I knew would make a statement about something that you wouldn't necessarily agree with and didn't care to comment on, and if you didn't say anything she would keep talking and would interpret your silence as if you were in agreement.  My friends and I knew the person did this to everybody, we all knew it. So if she said so and so told her this or that, which was her habit, we knew better.  She was delusional. 
I also knew a gal who believed evil witches were after her. Black crows signified their presence, even black SUVs passing by the house carried witches.  Oh boy!  That was quite an experience ... she was a roommate, and very paranoid and delusional in several ways. 
Then there are those who believe they have serious medical problems and exaggerate every time a minor illness strikes.  We've all known this type of delusional disorder existing in at least one of our friends or family members. I've known quite a few.  This is called: 

Somatic Type: delusions that the person has some physical defect or general medical condition

Sad to say . . .  a delusional disorder is harmful to the one owning it AND to those who are on the other side of it. No one wins. As an onlooker or recipient, you have no defense from a delusional person's attack, especially if he/she isn't being treated. But realizing that the person has this disorder and separating yourself from it's effects, if you can, is the best recourse for you.   Not easy sometimes, and not very pleasant to end contact, but in most cases, necessary in my book. 

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

HOW TO KEEP YOUR SANITY - Reaction to Cruelty - Part One

How many times do you work yourself into a tizzy because of what you consider cruel, thoughtless treatment to you by others? I'm not talking about physical or sexual abuse here. I'm talking about unkind, deliberate words or actions to demean and hurt your senses. Well, do you know that you can diminish and eliminate the hurt you feel and your reaction to it?

First of all, sit back (or stand back if that's what you're doing at the time) and just observe your reaction. The proverbial slap in the face, the breath taken away, the quickened heartbeat, nausea, the impulse to strike back ... and so on.  Don't resist or attempt to change that reaction. No physical action necessary, however. Calmly and quietly watch the reaction come and go.

I am doing that right this moment as we speak because of discovering a hurtful situation a few moments ago. Okay, I'm observing my reaction.

We are not to call the perpetrating thoughts our own thoughts, because they aren't. They belong to the one or ones who generated the injury to your feelings.  Those original words, deeds, or thoughts don't have any power whatsoever, they are just trying to enforce power over you.

So, number one, be aware of your reaction and then watch it come and go, for it will go, it will.  Takes practice.

This had been very useful to me and most certainly builds inner strength. It gives you the ability to take command and full responsibility for your reactions to whatever is said to, against, or happens to you.   Whatever slight and hurt you feel, whether it comes from family or friends or coworkers or strangers ... you are in control of what you do with your reaction. So, be calm, let it dissipate, whatever it is. Realize that it isn't part of you. Your reaction and action is you, yes, but that you can control ... you can watch it come in one window and go out the other.  And if it revisits, watch it again ... in one window out the other.

I'm working on it right now.  lol lol  It's doing its job ... I'm smiling.

I have a wonderful book that I refer to for help with many life situations and spiritual thinking ... THE POWER OF YOUR SUPERMIND.  I've given copies to many of my friends over the years. It really is my Bible.  And the above teaching is from that book.

We're asked, "What commands you?" And the book says "You are commanded by anything above your own psychic level."  That's why a person on a lower psychic level (look up psychic levels) has trouble and problems with both self and other people. Conflicts are above him, out of reach of handling ... he joins them, creates them, is in the throes of them, wreaking havoc in the lives around him.

We're also asked and are told, "What can you command? You are in command of everything that is below your own psychic level. If you are above cruelty in yourself, you cannot be commanded by the cruelty of others."

WOW!  Isn't that terrific?

"If your level is higher than hysteria, you are immune to the mass hysteria of mankind, expressing itself in fighting and deceit."

I mean to tell you, think about this.  Where do you see yourself?

AND if you practice the steps above ... sit back and watch it come and go ... "your mind can control everything in your life because of its supreme power to react correctly to everything."

Okay, I feel better already.  At least when it comes to my reaction.

 

Sunday, June 1, 2014

SUMMERTIME IN THE BOONDOCKS!

Yep, summertime is upon us in the 'sticks' of Arizona ... hey! I can call it that if I want for that's what it is to me.  Boondocks, sticks, desolate hell, the tules (a California term), the boonies ... and other such descriptions of places like San Tan Valley AZ.  Although boondocks also describes a mountainous area by the Filipino race, and I wish it were in my case, I love the mountains, forests, streams ... log cabins, yes!!!  Oh yes!!!

Then to add to the grief of being so isolated, the summers are unbearable here in AZ!  Up to 117 in July, sometimes higher.  It is not a place you want to be in the summer, especially if you're a cool weather person like me and would rather have daily rain than daily sun.

So why don't I move?

Well, first of all, I have created a beautiful cocoon for myself and my babies - Princie, Albee, and Oreo.  A lot of my time and $$$ have been expended.  My backyard is completely enveloped by trees that have been trimmed to form a canopy over the entire space, mostly shade back there now ... it's taken six years to do that. I've planted all kinds of flowers, roses, bougainvilleas, and many other flowering plants and shrubberies that surround a very small lawn area including a fire-pit (winter) and lawn chairs.  There are two iron bench niches under the trees, too, and an umbrella covered table with two stools out under the tallest tree, as well as other seating and table/chairs inside my covered patio. It all makes for an outdoor living space, an extended living room so to speak. You aren't going to believe this, but there is seating for 16 in my back garden without adding more chairs ... spread out under the foliage and in the covered patio.  I know, that's quite a bit for the small space it is, I know. But I don't care, I love creating my vignettes outside just like I do the ones inside.  (Per square footage, I probably have more seating area inside my home than most other people do in a house this size - approx 2200 sq ft.  I love that too.)

So I work in the garden, front and back, every morning.  The front garden is overgrown too - one tree covers it all giving it plenty of shade.

Indoors of course is my little palace holding my collections and eclectic furnishings - lace and satin, brocade and silk fabric.  A woman's house, not a man's house.  

The reason I don't move is because if I sold this house I would not realize enough profit to purchase another home that would equal this or go one better.  Just doesn't compute.

So, I'm stuck!  But you know, most of the time I don't look at it that way.  Like I said, I love my garden and I love my home.  It 's just the damn surrounding desert I don't care for ... and being way out here in the boonies, having to drive 40 minutes to an hour to a town -- a real town with shops, cafes, music, antique stores, etc.  

But on the flip-side, there is a plus of being isolated for it forces me to get things done that I need to do ... like writing, editing, publishing and doing the support work that makes it all pay ... rather than being out-and-about, playing.    

But it's so damn hot!!!!  It's summertime in the boondocks, guys!

Sunday, April 27, 2014

I HATE BEING FAT - Part 7

CHAPTER SEVEN
FAST FORWARD

One hundred sixty five pounds!!!!!!  Yes, I got down to 165 by eliminating all dairy (including cheese) and sugar, and no bread – decided against gluten-free, why have bread at all?
I had a Magic Bullet drink of three veggies and three fruits every morning, a salad with protein at noon, veggies with protein for dinner, occasional glass of red wine before bed. And I stuck with it and was doing fine, lost twelve more pounds!
Then my oldest son had a fatal heart attack, he was 52 years old. Of course my system went into a tail-spin, no rhyme or reason for what I ate or drank after that.  No thoughts at all on eating correctly or weight loss crossed my mind. It just didn’t matter, unimportant for weeks.  So I gained five pounds back of the fifteen I lost.  But I’m at 170 now, still better than I was at 180, so there is something to be grateful for, right?  You’re damn right there is. Life keeps rolling on, regardless.

So, I’ve had my Magic Bullet drink this morning, this makes two servings:

1 beet
1 banana
1 green apple
1 handful of kale
½ big carrot
1 handful frozen blueberries
Water

TODAY, three months after my son died, I vow to diligently begin the loss of the remaining 30 pounds I need to lose.

Last night I watched an HBO docu-series about obesity in America. There are four segments, I watched the first two and learned some startling facts, enough to get me thinking again.
And if for no other reason and a reminder, in memory of my son, it is up to me to make sure a heart attack doesn’t take me too, neither a stroke.  Especially if it can be avoided by what I eat and drink and by doing exercise.

Count me in, not out!  

Just a footnote:  In addition to the basic daily plan above, I might also have another portion of the drink later in the day, as long as it's on an empty stomach, not within 2 hours after a meal.   And I will drink teas as more antioxidants, coffee as stimulants (keeps my brain working) and I will eat all the veggies I want, par-cooked or raw.  It worked before, and I'll do it again this time. 

I see some good things on the horizon for me, I really do ... stay tuned!  





Thursday, April 24, 2014

HOW DO YOU WRITE A NOVEL THAT SELLS?

That's a very good question.  I doubt that it can be answered in a way that will make anybody a best-selling author right off the bat. There's more to it than meets the eye, or eyes as is the case.

Oh, there are many books out there on the subject that give tips on writing a bestseller ... do an Internet search and you'll see what I'm talking about.  I have quite a few of those books myself, and I do read them and I do absorb them.  I even apply some of the tips to my own writing.

But as I've said before and I'll say it again, first off, you must be a reader, you must be an avid reader to even begin to write a novel. You must learn how to write smoothly and succinctly and the best way to do that is by reading successful writers in the genre of your choice.  You'll learn the rhythm and the pattern of using short and long sentences, how dialogue is written.  You'll learn when an author uses too much description or not enough to make your readers feel, hear, see, and smell what's on the written page. Pay attention, it's all there for you to grasp when you read other authors. Read authors who aren't quite as accomplished, too.  You'll notice the difference in the writing. So yes, the best way to learn to write is to read.

The second best is attending writers conference workshops, writing classes in your community colleges, online classes, all of it adds to what you're going to need in your writer's toolbox.   Reading how-to books, grammar books, punctuation books ... there are some really interesting ones out there that make it not so text-bookish, you might even enjoy the challenge.  I dreaded my English and writing classes in high school, I didn't like them at all. So boring to me they were, and I only skimmed the books just enough to write the assigned book reports. I was a terrible English student. But now, I'm over the top about it, about reading and writing. I'm captive of English grammar, punctuation, spelling, and so forth. It's become my life as a matter of fact.  Amazing that it's turned out this way.

So ... while you're doing all this study and self-educating, start writing your novel.  Don't wait. You don't have to have it all laid out, or outlined, or perfect, just start writing.  You do need to know who your main character is, however, and what his/her backstory is: parents, upbringing, beliefs, personality type, dreams ... you might even write your main character's bio on a couple sheets of paper to have handy as you write, to keep you on track as your character weaves through the plot. That's what I do, as well as a list of the other characters as they appear and are developed.

But how do you know that what you're going to write will sell?  You don't, unless you're Nora Roberts or Tom Clancy or Ken Follett and the list goes on.  How do you write a novel that sells?

Well, you don't want to be a copy-cat, but you know whose stories you like the best and if you say you want to write like that particular author, terrific! You've found your genre. Write the genre you love to read. If you've read enough of your favorite author's books it will automatically rub off on you and become second nature as you write.  The patterns of speech, the rhythm, etc. So that's good.  And if you read several authors, you will have a combination from each of them in your head. But you need to cultivate your own voice, your own stories now. That will come, the more you write.

In classes and how-to reference books you're taught the tricks of the trade, how to hone your story, create your characters and plots, all to help make your first novel a page-turner and one that everybody will want to read.  Next comes the publisher.

After you hire a professional editor to help you polish your work, you can either go the route of self-publishing or submit to an agent who will pitch it to a publisher.

So, if you've done your homework and your characters and plot bring something new and interesting to the mix, if you have writing talent and you know you've done your best, and your manuscript is polished and professional ... that's all you can do at that point. You've done your job for now. The agent and publisher will take it from there, they will decide if they want to take a chance on it, and whether or not it will sell.

So in the meantime, start writing your next novel. Whatever happens, keep writing.

AND ... keep reading.

Good luck in selling your first novel!

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

'WRITING FRIENDS'

Appearing today on her book tour is MARILYN MEREDITH  . . . author of the Deputy Tempe Crabtree mystery series as well as the Rocky Bluff P.D. series
One of the first authors to embrace e-publishing, she has several books that are available in both e-format and trade paperback, among them, the award winning mystery “Guilt by Association.”
Also a writing teacher, Marilyn has been a featured speaker at many writers' conferences and book festivals. She is a member of Mystery Writers of AmericaSisters in CrimeEPIC, and the Public Safety Writers Association.
Our featured writer today is editor of the California Residential Services Association monthly newsletter (Association for Administrators of State-Licensed Residential Care Facilities for Youth, Adults and the Elderly), and for twelve years she’s been a free-lance writer for the Tule River Times, Springville CA.
A busy lady as you can see, but somehow she has managed to write over thirty-five novels and travels to conferences, book festivals, and booksignings all over the country. 
Ms. Meredith says she enjoys writing about police officers and their families and how the job affects the family and vice versa. Having several members of her own family involved in law enforcement, as well as many friends, she’s witnessed some of the drama and trauma first-hand.
So here she is ... my fellow readers and writers … Marilyn Meredith … aka F.M. Meredith!!!!

Introducing Marilyn Meredith speaking on: 

WRITING FRIENDS

I first met Rebecca in Visalia CA in a coffee shop, along with another writer. We had a great time talking writing. We met once again at a restaurant. Then when Rebecca put on a writing conference in Florida, she invited me to come and be a presenter. Of course I did and had a great time.
When she moved to Arizona she put on another conference and I was invited to present again. Of course, I obliged. I love talking and teaching about writing. But even more, I wanted to see Rebecca again. And, we had a chance to visit and catch up.
One of the best things about being a writer is making friends along the way—writing friends and readers too.
Writers are amazingly supportive of other writers. Not only do they help with the writing process, they also tell others about your books and let you know about new ways to promote your books.
Yes, there are a few stinkers out there, but on the whole, writers are wonderful people who make wonderful friends—friends who last over the years.
This is one of the reasons I love Facebook, I can “see” Rebecca nearly every day and follow what she’s doing.  Of course this goes for my other friends, writers and others.
Though we’ve followed different paths with our writing, we still have much in common.
If she and I were sitting in the same room, I know I’d ask her what she’s working on right now and she’d ask me the same thing.


MURDER IN THE WORST DEGREE

BLURB:  The body that washes up on the beach leads Detectives Milligan and Zachary on a murder investigation that includes the victim’s family members, his housekeeper, three long-time friends, and a mystery woman.
  
CONTEST:  Once again Marilyn is offering the opportunity to have your name used for a character in one of her books if you comment on the MOST blogs during this tour for Murder in the Worst Degree.


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

THANK YOU SO MUCH, MARILYN!  So glad to have you as a guest today.  I am following you on your tour too, as I would think many readers and writers are ...  by the way, take a listen to the interview I did with Marilyn three years ago ... upper left ... Ciao for now ....

Friday, April 4, 2014

BEAUTIFUL APRIL IS HERE!

I LOVE SPRINGTIME!   All the flowers are in bloom, the weather is perfect - at least it is here in Arizona, and life feels pretty darn good!  I've just returned from a much needed holiday to England and France, and although it was what the higher power ordered after the loss of my dear son Barry - my oldest, I feel so good to be home again. Lots to look forward to in the coming months ... plans being made: seeking an author's agent, taking another trip in September - this time to Seville, Spain ... and tons of writing projects on my desk waiting for my attention. Revamping of my goals and future are eminent ... YEP! Changes in the wind.

Also this month begins my participation in joining blog tours presenting other authors, so if you're interested in being featured, please let me know. Kicking off the Month of April is Marilyn Meredith ... author of the award-winning Deputy Tempe Crabtree mystery series and the Rocky Bluff P.D. series, as well as other novels. I have met Marilyn and have attended same writers conferences and book fests as she, all over the country. Quite the lady and a superb writer, she'll be featured on this blog April 15 ... income tax day!!!   Easy date to remember. Come back and see what she has to say ...

Marilyn Meredith

AND ... I'm busy publishing FOR THE SAKE OF A CHILD by Tom Onstott ... his third novel published by R. J. Buckley Publishing, and this one is a super-terrific thriller!  You've got to read this chilling novel by Tom. Sad to say, it's published posthumously with permission of his family . . . Tom passed away in July 2013. You can read about this and his other novels at www.rjbuckleypublishing.com .  After publishing this novel, I'll be taking a hiatus from R. J. Buckley Publishing, will be putting all my energies into my own writing.

Speaking of . . . my own next novel is Midnight in Vegas ... at least that's the working title for now. I'm going out on a limb this time, am braving it, and will submit my sixth novel to a major publisher.  In a big way it's exciting, but scary at the same time. A new experience for me. My own publishing company, R.J. Buckley Publishing, is an independent, and is limited in what it can do for its authors. We're small and can do only so much. So, I feel it's time that I, as an author, need to move on. So this is it! My sixth novel, people! (Eleventh book.)

Have a wonderful day!


Tuesday, February 25, 2014

DATE OF MY LAST POST ... TRAGEDY STRUCK

January 21 ... the date of my last post ... I just noticed it.   That night at 9 p.m., January 21, I got the phone call that my son James Barry Isom died of a heart attack at home while watching TV, paramedics couldn't revive him. He was 52 years old, living in Redondo Beach with his wife Kellie.


I cannot tell you what a horrible shock that was to all of us, all his family and friends.  Just terrible. A month has passed now, too much to repeat again here, for I've written it as I felt it each day on my Facebook page:   https://www.facebook.com/rebecca.mcmullen.buckley .  You may take a look there if you wish.

Now I'm trying to return to my life ... my writer's life, my gardening life, my traveling life ... and all the rest. I'll be taking a trip next month to England and France, a trip that had been planned long before January 21, and I am truly looking forward to it more than ever. I'm going alone and plan to do some reflection and research, rest and recreation ... as well as visit with my dear friends Ali and Martin Weller in Weymouth, Dorset.  In fact you can follow me as I travel on my travel blog - link is on top left.

It's been tough going this past month, but the pain has lessened somewhat, the sobbing has stopped, although the tears haven't. Had a bout today. Each day is easier. What gets me the most is that I'll never see my firstborn again. He was a dear son, one of those who always thought about his mother, you know the kind? Always called and came to visit when he could. I love and miss him very much. I do.

Just wanted to write a few words ... saw the date of my last post and it gave me a jolt.  I must have posted it that afternoon before I got the phone call from my daughter.  So sad ... for all of us ...

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

LOVE ALL, TRUST A FEW ...

No truer words were spoken, and William Shakespeare said them . . .

"Love all, trust a few."


My topic was inspired by a conversation I had earlier today about trust - giving it and receiving it.  Now I don't have an ax to grind here, not at all, I've only myself to account for and I'm happy with that. But the experiences I've had over the years with others has run the gamut, good and bad, fulfilling and disappointing, trusting and mistrustful. We've all been there done that.

In business relationships, most times there is a paper trail to follow, a history for us to check. So we need to do our research before getting involved in any business deals.

In personal relationships, there is a history too, and sometimes a paper trail, so the trick is to learn the truth early on and learn to recognize all the tell-tale signs, they're there. A man or woman doesn't suddenly become dishonest and untrustworthy over night. It's part of the psyche, his/her nature.  He can try to be clever and hide the fact, but most are not that clever.

First impressions ... when we meet someone and we immediately react to something that gives us doubts or fear, even an inkling, it's very simple, don't even go there!  It isn't worth it, and you cannot change a person contrary to what you think.  You can only change yourself.  But what happens when you meet someone who is vivacious and has a personality plus, is good looking, and you're attracted to that person? Well, that's all well and good. It's a possibility. Check it out.

Second impressions ... okay, so we're past the first impression.  Now we have to go to the next stage, do our homework and ask ourselves what kind of character is this? What are his/her habits, good and bad. Watch and listen, it's pretty easy to ascertain if your eyes and ears are open. Does he laugh too loud for your taste, giggle too much, talk too much, look away not making eye contact enough? Bite her nails, is fidgety? Is he/she watching the opposite sex as they walk by, eyeing them? Is he/she rude to wait staff? To other service people?  To animals? Children? There are a multitude of things to pay attention to if you are seriously interested in going to the next step with a potential mate.  Needn't rush, you have all the time in the world to make sure you know that person inside and out before you commit.  And at the first sign of something unacceptable, get out!  Now! Before it goes any further.

In most cases, if a guy/gal has a serious problem that isn't addressed, it'll only get worse as time goes on.   Meaning ... being argumentative, controlling, verbally abusive, disrespectful, physically abusive, sexually abusive, alcoholic, not able to keep a job, doesn't have a job, hates both or one of his/her parents, participates in criminal acts, has addictions, blames everybody else for his/her woes and plight, and much much more ... I'm sure you can think of more.   Anyway, you know what I mean.  You can capture a glimpse of these traits and negative behavior if you pay attention.  Yes, you can.

But let's get back to being able to trust people in general.  You can trust them until you feel you can't. Simple as that. If you have misgivings, then you can't trust, suspicions kill trust, it replaces it. Maybe it's intuition or whatever, if you feel uncomfortable about something, call it a day.  It'll never be any better for you, once suspicions take hold.

There's also the outside chance that something in your own life, during your childhood, your younger years, has created this internal-eternal trait of suspicion, fear of believing. Search it out, be sure that isn't the case, but if it is, correct it, because if you don't, you'll never trust anybody, even those who are trustworthy.

I love this one ...

 it all makes sense now

That's it for tonite, now I'm going to relax ...






Monday, January 20, 2014

USING SOCIAL SITES TO ADVERTISE

I've noticed a few comments lately on other 'friends' sites ... questions about to what extent an author should post to advertise their published works.  My feelings are ... as long as you intersperse with other posts of interest, not just always pushing a book in someone's face on a daily basis, then why not?  I mean, this is part of an author's marketing plan, to get the word out to as many contacts as the Internet will allow, at the least to belong to several social sites and messageboards (although I don't do messageboards). Publishers actually require that an author has visibility on social sites and blogs.

But, another good reason to be there is to cultivate friendships that you wouldn't ordinarily have the chance to form without the Internet. Think back to the time when you had only your phone (not cell phones) and snail mail.  To connect with other authors and readers you would have had to go to every writers conference you could afford, and that wouldn't have been easy $$$, still isn't.  So no way could you meet as many people as you do today online. No way could you keep up with family and friends from all over the world, see photos and what have you.

Now we can easily spread the word about ourselves, our likes and dislikes, our hobbies, our work, our travel ... and find others with a similar quest in life.  We can even form friendships, lasting friendships, without ever meeting or greeting face to face.  But what is really neat is that you can eventually meet and greet most of your author friends and readers at conferences and book signings.  Now you can let them know when and where you'll be.  It's just incredible, that's what I think.

Talking about our books online can be beneficial in many many ways.  Not only the creating of interest, but the feedback is useful. So if we do it with a fair share of posting about other things in our lives, then it is A-okay in my book.  It isn't any worse than the 'friends' who continually post forwarded political messages, or copy and paste quotes and recipes and what have you ... nah. No worse than that.  It's always so simple to just scroll down on your timeline and skip what you don't want to read, easy as pie.  Complaining about it isn't necessary, for each person posts what they like to post. It's their prerogative, freedom of 'posting'?

Remember just as you wouldn't go see a movie you didn't want to see, or don't watch a TV program you don't like, you can skip the posts that annoy you.  Or as happens in some cases, you can 'unfriend' or delete if it bothers you that much.

Right?  Right!   Love you all ... happy posting!


Thursday, January 2, 2014

CRITICISM, WORTH THE GRIEF OR NOT?

"The main use in criticism is in showing what manner of man the critic is."  Frank Moore Colby

"I never read unpleasant things about myself." Truman Capote

"Criticism is the art wherewith a critic tries to guess himself into a share of the artist's fame."  George Jean Nathan

"For critics I care the five hundred thousandth part of the tythe of a half-farthing." Charles Lamb

Okay ... first of all, those of you who know me, know that my blogtalk radio show is something I started to promote other authors, right?  To give them one more venue in which to talk about their books.  I'm an amateur in speaking, don't like it at all, am so shy when it comes to speaking, can't even do it at a conference without almost falling apart. AND I am not a professional interviewer or radio personality and don't claim to be. My talent lies in the written word.  In fact the blogtalk radio series makes me nervous to even do it, and I don't do it very often, am only hoping it will help me get over the frights. Regardless, when I do interview authors, the intention is to draw attention to their work, not my damn delivery.  Right?

So ... when I received an email today criticizing my delivery:  timing - laughter - facts - whatever, on my BlogTalk Radio Show - A. Paul Bergen's segment, especially . . . well, as I always say, if it bothers you so much, don't listen to me, listen to the author.  Capiche?  

And another thing . . . the CD "When I Fall in Love" of me singing,  with David Manion on piano and synthesizer, was made for our friends and family. We know it isn't a professional CD, gee whiz, surprise surprise! and we don't pitch it as such. It's homegrown.  I happen to love to sing, get a kick out of it, so I put the songs up on my site, shows my personality to those interested. Again, if it pains you so much to hear them, don't listen. Pains me sometimes too.

Criticism is not fun to receive, we've all been the object of it at one time or another, and in some circumstances it's warranted, yes, I'll give you that. The people that do it for a living do it for notoriety and money. That's their job. Those people are incredulous and I don't pay any attention to them.  But then there are the others, the nit-pickers that have nothing else to do. So they pick on somebody. They give bogus reviews on Amazon, write hurtful posts, and all the above whenever they are allowed.  Now it's okay when it's coming from someone who is genuinely wanting to help a person, wanting to give constructive criticism where it counts and means something.

A professional disc jockey or radio/TV interviewer or vocalist . . . of course, all must go through proper training to reach their career goals and highest pinnacle and must endure constructive criticism from their teachers and mentors and employers.  Thank God I didn't choose those professions.  Thank God I chose the solitary profession I did choose, and I love it, and I work at it daily to perfect. Sales is my critic, thank you very much.

So how well do you handle criticism?  For me it hurts just a little while, and then I quickly swallow my pride and move on, continuing to do what I believe in, regardless of what's been said.

As a writer . . . I believe . . .

"There is probably no hell for authors in the next world ... they suffer so much from critics and publishers in this one."  C.N. Bovee

"One of the amusements of being old is that I have no illusions about my literary position ... I no longer mind what people think."  W. Somerset Maugham.

In my book, Maugham had it all figured out!