LOVE ALL, TRUST A FEW ...

No truer words were spoken, and William Shakespeare said them . . .

"Love all, trust a few."

My topic was inspired by a conversation I had earlier today about trust - giving it and receiving it.  Now I don't have an ax to grind here, not at all, I've only myself to account for and I'm happy with that. But the experiences I've had over the years with others has run the gamut, good and bad, fulfilling and disappointing, trusting and mistrustful. We've all been there done that.

In business relationships, most times there is a paper trail to follow, a history for us to check. So we need to do our research before getting involved in any business deals.

In personal relationships, there is a history too, and sometimes a paper trail, so the trick is to learn the truth early on and learn to recognize all the tell-tale signs, they're there. A man or woman doesn't suddenly become dishonest and untrustworthy over night. It's part of the psyche, his/her nature.  He can try to be clever and hide the fact, but most are not that clever.

First impressions ... when we meet someone and we immediately react to something that gives us doubts or fear, even an inkling, it's very simple, don't even go there!  It isn't worth it, and you cannot change a person contrary to what you think.  You can only change yourself.  But what happens when you meet someone who is vivacious and has a personality plus, is good looking, and you're attracted to that person? Well, that's all well and good. It's a possibility. Check it out.

Second impressions ... okay, so we're past the first impression.  Now we have to go to the next stage, do our homework and ask ourselves what kind of character is this? What are his/her habits, good and bad. Watch and listen, it's pretty easy to ascertain if your eyes and ears are open. Does he laugh too loud for your taste, giggle too much, talk too much, look away not making eye contact enough? Bite her nails, is fidgety? Is he/she watching the opposite sex as they walk by, eyeing them? Is he/she rude to wait staff? To other service people?  To animals? Children? There are a multitude of things to pay attention to if you are seriously interested in going to the next step with a potential mate.  Needn't rush, you have all the time in the world to make sure you know that person inside and out before you commit.  And at the first sign of something unacceptable, get out!  Now! Before it goes any further.

In most cases, if a guy/gal has a serious problem that isn't addressed, it'll only get worse as time goes on.   Meaning ... being argumentative, controlling, verbally abusive, disrespectful, physically abusive, sexually abusive, alcoholic, not able to keep a job, doesn't have a job, hates both or one of his/her parents, participates in criminal acts, has addictions, blames everybody else for his/her woes and plight, and much much more ... I'm sure you can think of more.   Anyway, you know what I mean.  You can capture a glimpse of these traits and negative behavior if you pay attention.  Yes, you can.

But let's get back to being able to trust people in general.  You can trust them until you feel you can't. Simple as that. If you have misgivings, then you can't trust, suspicions kill trust, it replaces it. Maybe it's intuition or whatever, if you feel uncomfortable about something, call it a day.  It'll never be any better for you, once suspicions take hold.

There's also the outside chance that something in your own life, during your childhood, your younger years, has created this internal-eternal trait of suspicion, fear of believing. Search it out, be sure that isn't the case, but if it is, correct it, because if you don't, you'll never trust anybody, even those who are trustworthy.

I love this one ...

 

That's it for tonite, now I'm going to relax ...

USING SOCIAL SITES TO ADVERTISE

I've noticed a few comments lately on other 'friends' sites ... questions about to what extent an author should post to advertise their published works.  My feelings are ... as long as you intersperse with other posts of interest, not just always pushing a book in someone's face on a daily basis, then why not?  I mean, this is part of an author's marketing plan, to get the word out to as many contacts as the Internet will allow, at the least to belong to several social sites and messageboards (although I don't do messageboards). Publishers actually require that an author has visibility on social sites and blogs.

But, another good reason to be there is to cultivate friendships that you wouldn't ordinarily have the chance to form without the Internet. Think back to the time when you had only your phone (not cell phones) and snail mail.  To connect with other authors and readers you would have had to go to every writers conference you could afford, and that wouldn't have been easy $$$, still isn't.  So no way could you meet as many people as you do today online. No way could you keep up with family and friends from all over the world, see photos and what have you.

Now we can easily spread the word about ourselves, our likes and dislikes, our hobbies, our work, our travel ... and find others with a similar quest in life.  We can even form friendships, lasting friendships, without ever meeting or greeting face to face.  But what is really neat is that you can eventually meet and greet most of your author friends and readers at conferences and book signings.  Now you can let them know when and where you'll be.  It's just incredible, that's what I think.

Talking about our books online can be beneficial in many many ways.  Not only the creating of interest, but the feedback is useful. So if we do it with a fair share of posting about other things in our lives, then it is A-okay in my book.  It isn't any worse than the 'friends' who continually post forwarded political messages, or copy and paste quotes and recipes and what have you ... nah. No worse than that.  It's always so simple to just scroll down on your timeline and skip what you don't want to read, easy as pie.  Complaining about it isn't necessary, for each person posts what they like to post. It's their prerogative, freedom of 'posting'?

Remember just as you wouldn't go see a movie you didn't want to see, or don't watch a TV program you don't like, you can skip the posts that annoy you.  Or as happens in some cases, you can 'unfriend' or delete if it bothers you that much.

Right?  Right!   Love you all ... happy posting!

CRITICISM, WORTH THE GRIEF OR NOT?

"The main use in criticism is in showing what manner of man the critic is."  Frank Moore Colby

"I never read unpleasant things about myself." Truman Capote

"Criticism is the art wherewith a critic tries to guess himself into a share of the artist's fame."  George Jean Nathan

"For critics I care the five hundred thousandth part of the tythe of a half-farthing." Charles Lamb

Okay ... first of all, those of you who know me, know that my blogtalk radio show is something I started to promote other authors, right?  To give them one more venue in which to talk about their books.  I'm an amateur in speaking, don't like it at all, am so shy when it comes to speaking, can't even do it at a conference without almost falling apart. AND I am not a professional interviewer or radio personality and don't claim to be. My talent lies in the written word.  In fact the blogtalk radio series makes me nervous to even do it, and I don't do it very often, am only hoping it will help me get over the frights. Regardless, when I do interview authors, the intention is to draw attention to their work, not my damn delivery.  Right?

So ... when I received an email today criticizing my delivery:  timing - laughter - facts - whatever, on my BlogTalk Radio Show - A. Paul Bergen's segment, especially . . . well, as I always say, if it bothers you so much, don't listen to me, listen to the author.  Capiche?  

And another thing . . . the CD "When I Fall in Love" of me singing,  with David Manion on piano and synthesizer, was made for our friends and family. We know it isn't a professional CD, gee whiz, surprise surprise! and we don't pitch it as such. It's homegrown.  I happen to love to sing, get a kick out of it, so I put the songs up on my site, shows my personality to those interested. Again, if it pains you so much to hear them, don't listen. Pains me sometimes too.

Criticism is not fun to receive, we've all been the object of it at one time or another, and in some circumstances it's warranted, yes, I'll give you that. The people that do it for a living do it for notoriety and money. That's their job. Those people are incredulous and I don't pay any attention to them.  But then there are the others, the nit-pickers that have nothing else to do. So they pick on somebody. They give bogus reviews on Amazon, write hurtful posts, and all the above whenever they are allowed.  Now it's okay when it's coming from someone who is genuinely wanting to help a person, wanting to give constructive criticism where it counts and means something.

A professional disc jockey or radio/TV interviewer or vocalist . . . of course, all must go through proper training to reach their career goals and highest pinnacle and must endure constructive criticism from their teachers and mentors and employers.  Thank God I didn't choose those professions.  Thank God I chose the solitary profession I did choose, and I love it, and I work at it daily to perfect. Sales is my critic, thank you very much.

So how well do you handle criticism?  For me it hurts just a little while, and then I quickly swallow my pride and move on, continuing to do what I believe in, regardless of what's been said.

As a writer . . . I believe . . .

"There is probably no hell for authors in the next world ... they suffer so much from critics and publishers in this one."  C.N. Bovee

"One of the amusements of being old is that I have no illusions about my literary position ... I no longer mind what people think."  W. Somerset Maugham.

In my book, Maugham had it all figured out!