IS THE PAST REALLY OVER?

I wonder what makes some reminisce and think of friendships past, and then others don't give their pasts a single thought. Of late I've had many memories of old friends float to the surface, friends who I haven't seen or spoken to in years, friends who I haven't a clue if they're still alive or not. It creates a nostalgic mood within me, half good, half not.

What happens is . . . although the memories are terrific, I find I long for those earlier days once again, which can put me in a blue mood. I miss those days, and I wonder if I had taken a different road, how would my life be today.

Although I have no complaints to speak of, and I'm happy with the way the years have gone, the places I've been, the people I've known, my children, my writing career ... I still find myself wondering about those in my past with whom I've lost contact.

And I find myself wondering if it is indeed true that the ones who have meant the most are traveling together from one lifetime to another and will rejoin in the next life in one capacity or another. I like to believe this is true, for that excites me and puts a pleasant perspective on the meaning of it all.

But in the meantime, I'm wondering where Dona is, what she is doing, where she is living. I suppose I could find out when I'm on the Central Coast in March. I did hear she lost her only daughter a few years back, so sad. I wonder where Ben is, whether he stills lives in Malibu or not, whether the fires or floods have destroyed his home, or whether he is even living. And what about J.C. - my childhood sweetheart from 1st Grade. Last I heard he was living in Henderson, NV. He had a huge impact on my young life, my first love. And Jim Alexander, I wonder about him - we had a lengthy affair, met him in San Francisco after seeing him on a trolley. And Errol . . . my dear 'Errol Flynn' . . . he was a teddy bear. I really thought I was in love with him. Another Central Coast fella.

And then there are the mere acquaintances I always enjoyed in Santa Monica and Manhattan Beach. Not as close, but people I cared about. Those years were my best. Fun times and the most to remember. I wonder if Emmett is still alive, one of my mentors.

I'm not mentioning my beloved schoolmates (other than J.C. above) because there are so many. And many of them I am in contact with on Facebook and otherwise. Thank goodness for Facebook by the way. I don't have to wonder, they're right there revealing their lives. And I'm not mentioning my longtime friends, 'cause I know where they are, and I communicate with them from time to time.

But you know, I'm finding it's difficult for me to anticipate what's in the future for me. I love my life, my home, my babies (cats), and my routine and traveling, so I don't mean that. And I love writing and publishing.

I think my problem is I'm split between being almost certain that a man-woman relationship is out of the question for me, and not sure I want that or the possibility of falling in love again. The romantic side of me still believes it can happen, and I've seen it happen to others my age, but the practical side of me says fugetaboutit!

Oh well! The past is over, girl, just write about it!