AM I CRAZY, OR WHAT?

I must be possessed!  Whatever gave me the idea that I could broadcast a radio show?  I must be a masochist! Ludicrous!  

What is it that's in me nudging me into these things?  If anyone was ever insecure and full of stage fright when it comes to talking in front of the general public ... THAT'S ME!!!!!  Funny how I can sing before people, but can't talk.  I get tongue-tied and my neck and chest get big red blotches all over.  My brain stops working.  But time and time again, I put myself into this friggin' position.  And here I am, doing it again.

Tomorrow night at 6 p.m. I start a regular show on Blogtalkradio.  And not only one night a week, I've two shows a week ... one every Thursday, one every Sunday.  6 p.m. both days.   I must be mad!

I've spent the past two days trying to figure out how to use a damn headset and mic rather than holding the phone through the entire show.  You see, I dial in and conduct the show in that manner.  Up to five people can call in and join my repartee (dictionary says that's conversation or speech characterized by quick, witty comments - although I'm not very witty on the spot.  So I'll have to depend on callers for the wit), so please please please call in and save me from stammering and stepping all over my words or having dead moments.  Oh gawd!

What I need is a co-host.  Yes, that's what I need.  Any volunteers?

So, tomorrow, on Thursday it's LET'S TALK ABOUT BOOKS.  Just like this blog.  We can talk about my books, your books, anybody's books, I don't care.  And in case no one calls,  I'll just slit my throat and be done with it.  

I know, I'll talk about LITERATI, that's what I'll do.  A magazine I'm launching in December.   Then I'll talk about my novel series - about the settings, about Rachel O'Neill, about New Year's Eves (my favorites).  I could talk about other authors' books I'm publishing at RJBP, authors and the books.  Maybe some will take pity and call in, if I could be so lucky!!!! 

Do I seem a bit nervous about this to you?   Hummmmm.

I remember when I was to give a talk at a book festival, once.  Yes, once.  I was scared out of my ever lovin' pants.  Up on a stage at a podium in front of live people staring at me, wanting to hear something clever or humorous or at least intelligent.  My talk was to be 20 minutes. 

So I prepared and prepared, I rehearsed and rehearsed.  First I made notes, index cards for prompting, which didn't work.  I couldn't remember anything that wasn't written on the cards.  So if I was going to rely on my notes, my talk would have been over in less than a minute, composed of one-line short phrases.

Then I wrote out the entire talk on my laptop, decided to have it up there with me, open and ready to rescue.  I timed the talk - 20 minutes.  Everytime I did it, it came out to 20 minutes exactly.  I drew from past speech class techniques in the composition of it.   I was satisfied, had written all the incredients of an entertaining, enlightening talk - introduction, speech, summation.

When I arrived at the book festival, I was told that I was to be the speaker before the keynote.  So that meant when I was finished, she would be introduced and would come to the stage and give her talk.  J. A. Jance - New York Times best-selling mystery writer.  Know her?  Intimidating.

WELL ... the time came and I began my speech.  Thank god I had the laptop to refer to, what a moment of brilliant decision-making that was!   Soooooo ... I was tooling along, did my introduction, told a little about me, my bio, etc., my personal irregularities with a bit of humor, and began what I call the meat of the meal.  I'm scanning the audience as I was speaking, looking from one side to the other, saw J. A. Jance standing, waiting in line to do her presentation, when I see the host of the event sitting on the first row of bleachers (the event was in a college gym), and he was doing the slice the throat, time's up, cut, kind of gesture.

What?  I knew I couldn't be more than 10 minutes into the thing ... what the hell was he doing?   Then he spoke up, interruped me.

"Uh, Rebecca, I'm sorry, but Ms. Jance is here early and she needs to get on with her segment because she has to leave."

Now.  Tell me.  Could you summate at that point when you hadn't even gone into what you are covering in the summation?   Hell no!   But I did.  Fast-forwarded and did the blasted summation and hurried off the stage.  The talk made no sense at all.

AND ... to add injury to insult ... a man, who had been sitting on the front row near the door, met me half way to my seat and handed me a summons to court in front of all those people.   YES!!!!   I KID YOU NOT!  An old debt from ten years back, a medical debt.

So, even today, the thought of public speaking gives me palpatations, hives, blotches, and diahreahea.  Not a pretty picture.

But, here I am ... still jumping in over my head.  Guess I'll never learn.

Join me if you dare ... http://www.blogtalkradio.com/rebecca-buckley ... on Thursdays and Sundays at 6 p.m.

Or just call in:   (347) 945-7175